In Your Hands – Thy Will Be Done

I still remember vividly the moment I started bleeding early in my pregnancy with Sugar Plum. I was 6 weeks along and driving from a lovely lunch with family to my parents house. I was driving through neighborhoods wasting time so the kids would nap in the car on the way there.

As I was driving I felt a gush and immediately sensed something horrible had happened. I rushed to my parents and sure enough there was a clot and a ton of blood.

After making a few phone calls I was headed toward the hospital near our house.

It was the hardest few hours sitting in the ER bed, waiting to get the ultrasound completed. I was pretty sure at that point I had lost our little one and was not looking forward to hearing the news, but I needed to know for sure. It was a tug of war in my heart and head. It was at this point, my mind continued to say “God has a plan. It’s in His hands, let it be.”

After a few hours, that seemed like days, we were wheeled back to the ultrasound room. It wasn’t long before they found a heartbeat and a large clot. The great news was our little baby was still there, the bad news was it was a threatened miscarriage and it was still possible we could lose her.

I was sent home on bed rest for the weekend with hopes that the bleeding would stop, or at least slow, and the clot would dissolve.

My amazing husband went to get dinner and I went to my prayer spot to say a rosary.

It was during the rosary that I had a moment with God I will never forget. At one point, I vividly recall seeing Jesus lift me up and walk while holding me. It was exactly like image we all know from Footprints in the Sand.

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

– by Mary Stevenson

It was as if He was telling me “I’ve got this, don’t worry. It’s in My hands. I will help you through.”

When Sugar Plum was born, I remember shaking and scared. The moment I started praying and letting God take over my emotions was the moment I became very calm. Those prayers focused me on what was happening, His will was being done. He knew what He was doing.

It’s very difficult to imagine that God would have us go through these difficult times, but it seems He is trying to teach us and help us grow. I know through all of this my faith has never been stronger.

I know God has his hands on me. He is helping me through this day. I just have to trust in Him.

BISSisterhood - Thy Will Be Done