Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships.
As a kid it was easy to make friends, you were surrounded by peers all day. School and sports provided the necessary time with peers to allow friendships to blossom.
The thing is, how many of those friendships do you still foster to this day?
If you are like the majority of people, not many.
Life gets busy, we all take off in different directions. Plus, think of how much we have changed from childhood.
As a child and young adult, your lives revolve around yourself. Anything and everything seems possible.
As you get older, responsibilities and family take precedence and we find ourselves not able to accommodate those last minute plans.
In our situation, we were the first of our friends to get married and start having kids. This worked great for us, but it also made those old friendships harder to keep. When you are young and single or even in a relationship, the lifestyle changes of married life and parenting do not make sense.
To this day, we still have friends our age that cannot understand why we can’t make it to last minute dinners.
They have not had to experience the juggling of multiple kid and family schedules.
They’ve never had to find a babysitter for a night out on the weekend, especially holiday weekends, many times it takes months of advance notice.
They’ve never had to take into account that the cost of the babysitter makes a nice dinner out double the price.
Sometimes, time and budget do not allow those nights out we all wish we could experience.
—But I digress.—
Friendships are hard to keep strong when your lives are in different stages.
Friendships change as your life changes. Your group of friends change as well.
I was listening to the Fountains of Carrots podcast – How to Fight Loneliness and Build Real Friendships – the whole podcast was great, but one thing Rebecca said really stuck with me, we can only be friends with 150 people. This includes everywhere we go, family, kids sporting events, church, our neighborhood, on social media… everywhere! The thing is acquaintances fit into that statistic. I have a ton of acquaintances and a little more than a handful of close friends. While sometimes I wish there were more, I also know how hard it is to find true friendships at this stage in life.
But what if I cut back on trying to keep up with all the acquaintances in places like social media?
What if I took some time and stopped following the hundreds of “friends” on Facebook? If I cut back, could I put more of me into my close friendships?
Would those stronger connections grow?
It’s very possible.
Maybe we just need to pull weeds every once in a while. Maybe cleaning out our news feed could make a big difference in our lives.
While this is possible, there is another issue.
It’s hard to find friends that you make a true connection with.
I have many mom acquaintances, but not many that have anything in common past the fact that we have kids. I want to connect on something else. Kids are great, and while, yes, this definitely makes it easier to start conversations, I need more than small talk about how crazy our kids make us.
The problem is, there are a lot of moms out there, but sifting through them is like dating again. I just don’t have the time for that. Or, maybe, I’m just not ready to make that commitment and put myself out there yet.
I talk with moms all the time, but I always seem to feel that the connection is lacking.
Even friendships I’ve had for years have begun to change and our connection is falling away. I see our priorities in life changing.
When do you let that friendship fizzle out?
This is the hardest part for me. I feel like I cannot step away from a friendship, even when I see that it’s just not working anymore. Maybe it’s because I am always holding onto the few friendships I have and I know how hard it will be to fill that spot with someone else.
Friendships are downright hard!
We’d love to hear your opinion on the mom friendship issue.
What are your suggestions for finding mom friends that you connect with?
Where did you meet your best friends?
Do you feel that it’s harder to make strong friendships after becoming a mom?
Leave us a comment below!